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My white dress was replaced with black, partly in mourning and partly in keeping with my new status as a maid. I understood the necessity of that and worked enthusiastically, as well as I could, for I still wore my corsets. Charles insisted on the Saturday bathing ritual, explaining that while we could not afford to send me to school, we could still raise me as a lady. The bath and corsets were symbolic, the last remnants of my former life.Mother became more and more depressed, frustrated that her circumstances were so reduced, and she could no longer strut pridefully with her former friends. One Saturday, to my surprise, when I emerged from my bath, my shift and corsets were gone, and I had nothing to wear but the towel. I called for Kate, but it was Mother who came. She ordered me to lie on my bed, face down, without a stitch on! Then she took some leather straps and bound my wrists and ankles to the bedposts, so I was unable to move. It was embarrassing, especially as my. I'm not surewhy. I'm not sure whether Mother wants me to like boys or not. Anyway, Iwas dressed to the nines (whatever that means) and feeling pretty goodabout myself, so why not give the boys a little feminine display ofsexuality when I walked past them. I knew I smelled good because I waswearing some perfume. I could hear William sniff a big whiff of air as Iwalked past. Boys are so peculiar.Mother and I walked to the basement reception area to enjoy some companywith the other ladies of the church. I sat with some of my girlfriends.They had no idea that I was really a boy and I wasn't about to tell them.Susan informed us of a birthday party and was handing out invitations.Boys were not allowed. Cool - the invitation was all pink and feminineand I felt really lucky to be invited to one of the more popular girls'birthday party. What to wear?It turned out this was a sleepover party and I was all excited aboutthat. Mother didn't seem too apprehensive and told me we'd have to getsome.
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